You didn't.
We all know my mom had some major health issues before this that resulted in balance, cognitive and mobility issues. These were not due to the tumor. The tumor is so fast moving that, unless you are talking about something that you noticed since December 2020, you were not noticing about her tumor.
Something interesting we've noticed is that, after our mom was diagnosed, everyone wanted to discuss how they could tell she was sick. Many wanted to tell us the changes, quirks, and problems they had noticed in my mom going back as far as years!
Please know we are aware of her previous health issues. We are not completely sure why people want to discuss how they were able to see what none of her doctors, family, or friends did, but we have some guesses:
Guilt: We all feel really bad for our mom and wish there was something we could have done. We wish it so much that sometimes we blame ourselves for not catching it earlier. Please give yourself a big ol' break if you are feeling this way. There is nothing any of us could have done. It happened so fast and so sneakily. And probably what you were noticing was just one of her other health issues manifesting.
Pride: Yes, you are very astute and smart. But you are still not likely to win any prizes for identifying her tumor first. Especially if you didn't say anything. Come over, hang out, and be proud about supporting a loved one through a shitty time.
Trying to be helpful: Think about it: exactly what help are you providing? How would it be helpful to know the people around her knew, especially when there was nothing you could have done? This is not helpful. Check out the other reasons. You are probably experiencing one of those. You want to be helpful? Come over, hang out, and distract my brilliant, beautiful, kind, amazing mother the stress and boredom of having an inoperable brain tumor.
Showing your deep connection to my mom: This one is my favorite. I love that you know her so well that you were in tune with even the smallest of changes in her. If you are in our lives and we know who you are, we know you have a deep connection to her. Please show it in another way, like coming to visit, coming over for Shabbat, or calling.
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